| It's 2am. It's dark outside. I look over
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| | real recognition was The Dwarf Throwing
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| at my clock with the sudden realisation
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| | World Championship (I kid you not) which
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| that there are literally hundreds and
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| | took place some time in 1986 - further
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| thousands of people out there getting
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| | proof as to what a messed up decade that
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| wasted on cheap booze and generally
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| | was. That particular toss-fest was won by
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| having a much better time than me. I rub
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| | Team England - Danny Blue, Roy Merrin and
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| my eyes, sigh, shake my head and get back
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| | Lenny The Giant the heroes of the
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| on with it. Not because I'm better than
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| | hour.Making And Breaking Records.Take a
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| them. And not because I'm some sad,
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| | glance at the rather marvellous newspaper
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| locked-in loser either (although that is
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| | clipping to the right. I guarantee it is
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| debatable.) You see, I don't need the
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| | genuine. The current world record for the
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| usual distractions - booze, fun, women,
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| | longest throw is held by some white trash
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| daylight, other people, normal human
| |
| | nutcase called Cuddles. Bless. I bet he
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| society - all fade into obscurity. I care
| |
| | loves his mommy and everything. The throw
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| not for these things. Why? Because I have
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| | was an impressive 12 feet 9 inches.
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| stumbled upon the ancient art of Midget
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| | Cuddles belongs to a team of circus
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| Throwing!Perhaps it's a sign of the
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| | escapees calling themselves Oddballs. The
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| times. Perhaps I have finally gone crazy.
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| | Oddballs are mainly famous for their
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| I've spent all night looking at flying
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| | rather racy (and un-nervingly
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| dwarves. There's a story to this - you
| |
| | homo-erotic) 'baloon dance,' which
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| may have seen our recent article 'The
| |
| | basically involves them prancing about
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| A-Team - Then And Now.' If you haven't,
| |
| | naked with baloons covering their
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| then you'd better drag your worthless ass
| |
| | pinkened, shrunken manhoods.It seems the
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| over there. After putting that particular
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| | local newspapers were all over this
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| masterpiece online, I read through and
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| | event, keen to bring you the latest on
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| one sentence in particular lept out at
| |
| | this extreme spectator sport for the new
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| me: "Mr T is winner of the World's
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| | millenium. It seems not much happens in
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| Toughest Bouncer contest. One of the
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| | whatever sleepy-hick-filled country hovel
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| events in the competition was dwarf
| |
| | this took place in (we will call it
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| tossing (since outlawed.)" Dwarf
| |
| | Sheepball-on-sea.) Either that, or there
|
| Tossing?! That sounds amazing! I just had
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| | was some crazy, sickening midget sex
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| to find out more!!The lost sport that is
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| | fetish going on at the time...Oh, and by
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| Dwarf Tossing / Midget Throwing
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| | the way (if you give a shit) - according
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| originated in Australia in the 1980's - a
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| | to some random, haggared site I've since
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| pub game for bored white trash country
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| | forgotten about, the English are still
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| types, bored with driving their tractors.
| |
| | world champs. Another black eye to
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| According to one website (hosted on the
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| | national pride, methinks. We might suck
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| ever-trusty BBC.co.uk no less):"This pub
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| | at the Olympics, or any other real sport
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| sport can be played by anyone, as the
| |
| | for that matter, but damn - we really can
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| need for heavy consumption of alcoholic
| |
| | let those midgets fly.Understandably,
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| beverages as preparation purposes is
| |
| | when people heard about this sick,
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| completely optional, but strongly
| |
| | non-PC, offensive, yet strangely
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| recommended. Both men and women can play
| |
| | fascinating sport, they rallied en-masse
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| and even compete against each other
| |
| | to have it banned. Wow, that must have
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| head-to-head. Unfortunately for the men,
| |
| | been one hell of a sight - hundreds of
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| the women who generally participate tend
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| | people marching down on the houses of
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| to have male like qualities. This has
| |
| | law, demanding that the
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| meant the customary swapping of shirts at
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| | vertically-challenged have the right to
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| the end of each competition has been
| |
| | stay on the ground. I wish I could have
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| scrapped, due to the women's constant
| |
| | been there. Damned hindsight.The year was
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| complaints that the shirts given to them
| |
| | 1989, and the world's only support group
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| were always too small and that they
| |
| | for the vertically-challenged - The
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| wouldn't want to wear the shirt of a
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| | Little People Of America - went to
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| 'chauvinist pig who got his kicks
| |
| | Florida and convinced the lawmakers there
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| throwing persons of restricted growth
| |
| | that this strange sport is infact cruel
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| anyway'.
| |
| | and should be stopped. The measure
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| Large muscles, strong legs and the
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| | banning dwarf-tossing was passed with a
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| arbitrary beer belly are the physical
| |
| | wide margin, and dwarf-tossing was
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| secret weapons of a true dwarf-throwing
| |
| | outlawed in both Florida and New York.
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| athlete. However, to fully master the
| |
| | Yet, in the LPA's home state of Texas,
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| sport the athlete must also possess the
| |
| | you can still throw migdets about to your
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| strength of an ox, the speed of a
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| | heart's content. Want to abuse a midget?
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| leopard, the timing of a magician, the
| |
| | Now you have to get in your car and
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| patience of a predator and the appearance
| |
| | drive... Later Dave Flood who appears on
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| of a rather large bull sitting on a wasp.
| |
| | a morning radio talk show as "Dave the
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| In order for 'persons pacified with their
| |
| | Dwarf," took the issue to court and made
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| horizontally-perpendicular circumstances'
| |
| | the sport illegal in bars. Thanks Dave.In
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| to take part in a throwing competition
| |
| | Ontario, Canada, the Dwarf Tossing Ban
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| they must always wear full protective
| |
| | Act, 2003 was enacted, with penalties of
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| clothing. Injury is a serious threat to
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| | a fine of not more than $5,000 or to
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| the career of a Throwing Dwarf who, if on
| |
| | imprisonment for a term of not more than
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| tour, can earn a six-figure sum for
| |
| | six months, or both. Perhaps they have a
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| allowing people to share in their very
| |
| | special wing in the jails for the
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| specialised field of expertise.""Unlike
| |
| | dwarf-tossers. Hmmm...Despite all this
|
| golf, this is a true spectator's sport
| |
| | fancy legal action, this bizzare sport is
|
| worthy of any Olympic games but thanks of
| |
| | still taking place today. During my
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| the interventions of 'persons who
| |
| | research for this article / compulsive
|
| negotiate a humour deficiency' no
| |
| | waste of time, I stumbled across some
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| professional body has been created to
| |
| | random Satan-type website that had a
|
| globally organise and fund what can only
| |
| | section on Dwarf-Tossing. These photos
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| be described as the only sport that
| |
| | (see below) were taken at a recent event,
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| promotes an unprejudiced view of society
| |
| | probably deep in the heart of
|
| (even though a British Association of
| |
| | Sheepball-on-sea. One thing I noticed -
|
| Dwarf Throwers does currently exist)."
| |
| | if you look closely at the photos - it's
|
| Christopher Reeve shudders in his grave.
| |
| | the same midget being thrown by each one
|
| Lois Lane silently weeps.
| |
| | of those hickory hillbillies. The poor
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| These flying midgets get six figure
| |
| | bastard! That's just not right! He
|
| salaries? Can this be true?! Which makes
| |
| | doesn't even get a helmet or
|
| me wonder - who in the name of Jesus H
| |
| | anything!Remember folks no matter how
|
| Jones pays these people? Is there a
| |
| | bizzare, different, or strangely
|
| Flying Midgets union? Can you imagine
| |
| | fascinating this obscure and perverse
|
| putting this on your resume? I wonder if
| |
| | sport may seem, don't try it. Johnny Law
|
| these talented human missiles get hazard
| |
| | will be two steps behind you ready to
|
| pay?Basically the rules are as follows;
| |
| | throw your bitch ass in jail. You've
|
| you pick up your selected midget (who
| |
| | heard about what they do to rapists in
|
| will likely be adorning some kind of
| |
| | prison, right? Imagine what they'd do to
|
| safety helmet and vest), take a three
| |
| | a Dwarf Thrower. In conclusion... it's
|
| step run-up and throw the little bugger
| |
| | never cool to be a tosser.An Article By:
|
| as far as you possibly can. And there you
| |
| | Part-time Ninja of original article for
|
| have it - possibly the most non-PC sport
| |
| | this is at:
|
| ever invented. Whoever gets their human
| |
| | article is one of many amazing and
|
| missile the furthest is the winner.
| |
| | bizzare articles available for free at:
|
| Although I shudder to think what kind of
| |
| | is from - where humour goes to
|
| prizes would be given. Sexual favours
| |
| | die.There are two kinds of people in this
|
| perhaps... who knows?The Roots.The first
| |
| | world; those who love TwistedEdge... and
|
| of these twisted little events to get any
| |
| | those who haven't been there yet.
|
